Before I sink my teeth into this explanation, understand that this is the dynamic that I am looking for. This is what babygirl and Daddy Dom mean to me. If I speak of “regular Doms” I am generalizing and do not believe that all Doms that do not call themselves Daddy are the same nor do I believe that everyone that calls themselves Daddy is what I am looking for. As with everything in BDSM, it depends on each individual person.
How my father does factor into this:
My father lacks a lot of the more nurturing fathering skills (because putting it mildly is how I roll). My faults were made evident on a regular basis and I was often made to feel like I was not good enough. Straight A’s and being in the Talented & Gifted program was not good enough. Never getting into any trouble was not good enough. Being a polite child that was often “seen and not heard” the way his lack of patience required was not good enough. I had been on a diet since I was six and since eating was the only way I could rebel against him, you can imagine where that got me. I was never encouraged or made to feel like I could accomplish anything and before long I believed that I would accomplish nothing. My self-esteem was wrecked well before teenage angst ever managed to set in.
The kind of babygirl I am:
The first thing for me to address is what I am not. This is in no way an incestuous relationship and does not pertain to children in anyway. I do not envision my father, have never had thoughts regarding him in this manor, and never will. I am also not a “little” and do not regress to a younger age. I don’t speak like a child. I don’t wear diapers. I am not an adult baby. To each their own, but not my thing.
I am also not an it, a thing, a slave, a mindless fuck toy that has no opinion, or someone that will pretend to be less than I am in an attempt to make someone else feel better about themselves. I am not a doormat or anything else one might want to wipe their feet on. I do not want to be beat or abused, humiliated or degraded (but punishments are expected and needed to maintain the dynamic and I’m all for calling me names during sex).
What I am is a strong-willed, independent, stubborn, woman with a higher than average IQ. I have repaired most of my damaged self-esteem with the knowledge that I can do most anything I set my mind to. I still battle my weight, but I know I will conquer that as well. I am braver. I take chances. I have trouble asking for help. I try to take care of everything by myself and for myself. I am used to being in control. I may or may not be a brat (What? I’m sarcastic and quick-witted, like I have a choice). I am sweet and kind, caring and passionate, loving and loyal. I try to maintain a positive outlook and find the good in most every situation. I’m a princess, a prized possession. I’m a force to be reckoned with.
The kind of Daddy Dom I want:
I am waiting for someone that stimulates my mind, body and soul. I need someone that makes me feel safe and protected. I want to be nurtured, guided, accepted. I’m waiting for a Daddy that is patient and kind, supportive and encouraging, reliable and understanding. Someone with the ability to be strong and firm, but gentle and loving. Reliable, understanding, comforting.
I want to be cherished and adored. I want my submission to bring as much to his life as his dominance brings to mine. I want us both to feel a sense of calm when we are with each other. I want his touch, even his glance, to send a surge through my body. I want someone that knows me better than I know myself and knows what’s best for me. I want my limits tested and boundaries explored. I want to finally be able to ask for help, turn over control, trust.
I want someone that builds me up instead of tearing me down. He doesn’t judge me for my faults, we work together to make me better. I want him to understand that my insecurities will rear their ugly head sometimes and also know exactly how we get beyond it. I want him to be proud of me and my successes and believe that I can do anything. I need someone that can tame the wild child without completely breaking her spirit. Someone that loves all sides of me, even the sassy brat, and earns a trust very rarely given in my lifetime until I have no other desire but to submit to him and only him. I want to surrender…completely.
note: I’m not addressing the sexual or discipline related wants and needs in this entry, but…oh my there are a’plenty.
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