If you are under the age of legal consent in your country get out. Get out now. This isn't appropriate content for minors. It's also not appropriate for work (NSFW). If it is, in fact, appropriate where you work, I would like a job there. Just sayin'.
The photos I use are either reblogged or found in various other random spots on the web. I don't usually know their original sources and am hoping their owners are cool with me using them simply for self-expression. If not, please just let me know and I will take them down. No money is being made off of their use. As for the writing? Mostly all me. If not, it's from a reblogged photo and you should be able to tell if the words are theirs or mine.
Just one girl's adventures as she explores her sexuality and finds her true place within the BDSM community.
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
I need you
I’ve never been a girl to admit need. So strong and determined to take care of herself. A perfectionist to my core with stubbornness in my veins. I’ve always made all my own decisions and relied on myself to solve every problem. I had no positive person in my life to fall back on. No one to give me advice without adding judgement or guilt and so I took care of myself, confided in no one, and internalized everything.
I find myself intoxicated by how safe and supported I feel now that I’ve got someone I can count on. Someone I can ask for help, get support from, lose control with. I’ve got someone that doesn’t judge me or make me feel guilty. I’ve got someone that doesn’t just love me, but treats me like someone that loves me and wants me to be a better person. Someone that builds me up and encourages me. So here I am, willingly abandoning all control to him and finding myself in need.
I need to be in your arms. I need to know how it feels when you hug me, your breath in my ear as you whisper, “I own you.” I need to rest my head on your chest and listen to your heartbeat. I need to feel your lips on my forehead and I need to know what you smell like. I need to know if you’re a good kisser and I need to see your face when you laugh. I need you to run your fingers through my hair as I lay my head on your thigh and I need you to look down at me lovingly when I kneel at your feet. I need to start this new life and I need to stop having so many unknowns. I need to be there. I need to be yours. I need you.
Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it.
–Confucius
In the end what matters most is
How well did you live
How well did you love
How well did you learn to let go.
(Source: disgracing)
Progression
pro·gres·sion: [pruh-gresh-uhn] noun
1. The movement or development toward a destination or a more advanced state, esp. gradually or in stages.
When I set out on this latest blog adventure I had plenty to say about what I thought I wanted and didn’t want. What kind of submissive I was or wanted to be and what I wouldn’t have any interest in. My experience was limited so I was mostly guessing. I even questioned or doubted how easily I would surrender to someone and turn over total control.
Last month I met someone that has helped me to see my true potential as a submissive. I am owned, completely (and for the first time), and with that comes a new understanding of my wants and needs. It’s simple, mostly…my wants and needs are his wants and needs. If that sounds like brainwashing or like I’m ready to drink the Kool-Aid, remember, I did say I was a pleaser. That I always like to make the man I’m with happy. This is just a natural part of me.
Where he does come in is the guidance he gives me and the patience it must take to wait for me to realize he was right or for me to fully see what he meant. He knows I’m an individual and he’s not trying to mold me to fit a standard of what an ideal submissive should be. He’s just molding me to be the best I can be for myself, for him, and for us. It’s what I asked for. I was/am a rookie looking for guidance and he lovingly gives it.
So, I am on a path of steady progression on this journey toward total submission and I’m enjoying making these discoveries about myself and what I’m capable of. I still fight my urges to debate every issue, but I’m getting better every day realizing that just because I know me, doesn’t mean I always know what’s best for me. And realizing that I am a part of something now and that alone means it’s no longer all about what’s best for me.
Sometimes you need to walk blindly to see where your path may lead and you need to lose your breath to feel like you have lived. Sometimes you need to be bound tightly to ever grasp your freedom and you need to let someone guide you forward to know where you have been. Sometimes you need to surrender completely to truly have control and you need to get on your knees to stand on your own two feet.
Crying doesn’t indicate that you’re weak. Since birth, it has always been a sign that you’re alive. ~Unknown
At least now when I cry it’s because someone loves me, not because someone is hurting me. It’s because I love someone, not because I never have. At least now when I cry it’s because what I want is just outside my reach…so close that I can taste it. At least now when I cry it’s because, for the first time, I feel alive.
On my knees
In the past I’ve been infatuated and caught up in someone, but never admitting any sort of real love. Too scared of it. As if admitting or accepting love to self or another left me open for pain. Simply uttering “I love you.” opened a door to hurt me and I felt that everyone was out to do just that. Would I have loved them if I had allowed it? I will never know, but in a way I am glad I have saved it for someone truly special.
For the first time in my life I am trusting another person with every fiber of my being. With the unspoiled purity of a child, but the experience of a woman, I surrender. I have never felt so loved, so at peace…so at home. This love is different. This love…it speaks to my soul. It reaches places within that were previously unchartered. It teaches me what a pure and wonderful thing love really is and how it is nothing to be afraid of. To love someone, to really and truly love someone unconditionally, it’s a gift from God. It’s a present wrapped up in a pretty bow from the Universe and meant for each and every one of us. And opening it and truly allowing oneself to receive it? Life altering.
So, when I get on my knees I am brought there by two beings I adore. I am there thanking God for every obstacle put in my path to lead me to Daddy, to make me appreciate him the way I do, for opening my mind and my heart just in time to receive him. And I am there to thank Daddy for his guidance, his patience, his love. Unconditionally, I am on my knees.
I’d love to write something witty right now, but I can’t. I’d love to paint a picture of seduction with my epic vocabulary, but I can’t. I’d love to inspire aural orgasms by stringing words together like Mozart strung notes, but I can’t. You see, I’ve only just caught my breath and I’m not yet able to effectively form sentences. You see, I just did things on my bed with Hitachi in hand and Daddy in my ear that would make grown. men. weep. So, find your own words tonight because right now? This girl is reveling in orgasmic bliss and hanging the Do Not Disturb sign on the bedroom door.
I Choose Love
I don’t need to touch a flame to know that it will burn.
And I don’t need to touch the hand of God to know he’s all around me.
I don’t need to see the sun behind the clouds to know that it’s still there.
And I don’t need to see gravity to know that it’s keeping me grounded.
I don’t need to stand on a beach as a witness to know the tide came in this morning.
And I don’t need to stand in Auschwitz circa 1943 to know the Holocaust happened.
I don’t need to feel the blood course through my veins to know my heart still beats.
And I don’t need to feel his touch to know my love’s embrace.
Things exist that I can’t see or feel. Something that isn’t tangible for me doesn’t lessen it’s value or worth. I am not a witness to events that happen every day. Does that then mean that they never happened? Why, then, is it so remarkably surreal to some that I would still love someone that has wronged me? Why is it questioned that I would love someone I have never met? That he would love me? People feel hate towards individuals they don’t know because they have done terrible things or live a lifestyle they don’t understand, but I can’t love someone that is kind, caring and loving to me just because we’ve never met in person? Hate is a fairly natural human emotion for most people, but so is love. I choose love.
